If I let you in
by Deatheater Amelia
Summary: I open my mouth but I don't know what to say. I want to believe you but all I hear is betrayal. Oneshot. Sirius/Severus. m for a reason. slash. language. NOT A SONG FIC


**Okay I've always wanted to do this pairing, so here it is. M for a reason so don't read it and then act all surprised if you get offended. Warnings for slash and language.**

**disclaimer**

Severus ,

_Severus,_

_I can't wait to see you. Is it okay if we meet in your room today? James and Peter are beginning to get suspicious._

_Sirius_

I smirked, as I crumpled the note in my hand, and shoved it in my pocket. Suspicious? I was surprised they were smart enough to notice _anything_. I wondered what they'd think if they knew that their precious Sirius Black was with me. Imagine the looks on their faces. All the teasing and humiliation: worthless. I'm sure fucking their best friend is the best form of revenge (not that I was doing it solely for that purpose). They sat there huddled together as Slughorn rambled on; the best of friends. I sneered, the familiar twinge of jealousy in my gut. I ignored it.

Sirius glanced back at me, cautious not to draw attention to himself, and I nodded back, indiscreetly acknowledging that I'd read his letter and my answer was yes. He smiled nervously and turned back to his friends. I smiled, he was extremely shy around me and it was the cutest thing. You'd never know from the way he acts around those three.

I gazed at the back of his head. His long silky black hair fell well past his shoulder and shone richly in the candlelight. I shuddered, as if a cold breeze hit me. He was beautiful, in every sense of the word. Aside from his hair (my favorite), he had pale fair skin, big brown eyes, and was the only student with stubble. It rubbed against my cheeks whenever he kissed me, making me want to fall into a fit of giggles. But I couldn't. _That_ barrier had to stay up.

I couldn't just shake the knowledge that he was friends with Potter, my tormentor. In fact he'd helped Potter give me hell. Helped him humiliate me again and again. I mean I wouldn't say I was bitter. Of course it was all in the past, but I couldn't shake the fear of betrayal and the embarrassment would that follow. It was the only thing keeping my feelings at bay.

Only fools wore their hearts on theirs sleeves, and I've been fooled to many times too many times to do it again. I snarled, my teeth clenched, as my mind drifted to Lily and Potter. It was a wound I hid in the back of my mind. Every time I saw her, it ripped and bled anew.

Class ended and I hurried to my room, trying to avoid Potter and the other two arseholes. Well no, I can't really add Remus in there, because he's never actually bothered me. We probably could have been friends if it wasn't for James. But he is an unbelievable coward, especially for a werewolf. Pettigrew, on the other hand was a prat and an imbecile. He'd probably lick James' ass if he let him.

I chuckled to myself as the students parted to let me through. Ever since I became Head Boy, everyone stayed out of my way. Merlin forbid I use my authority to enforce a little revenge. Absolutely Delicious.

I felt the temperature drop as I walked down the stairs to the dungeons. I grimaced, pulling my cloak tighter. The corridor to my room was dark, and my footsteps echoed loudly. The slytherin common room was downstairs so I basically had the whole place to myself. Which was just the way I liked it.

I waved my wand, removing the wards I'd placed around my chambers. Technically I wasn't supposed to have them, but Dumbledore doesn't know won't hurt him. I shivered, realizing that my room was colder than the corridor. Bloody hell. I started a fire in the hearth, before turning to survey my surroundings. Everything had to be perfect.

I chuckled to myself, as I looked over the already overly neat room. It always was. Every book put away, all my clothes folded, my bed already made. I'm not sure why it mattered either. The first time we'd….well you know….realized we wanted each other we were in a dusty broom cupboard. Sweaty skin plastered to one another, hands fumbling past layers of clothing. Pure animal instinct. … My sudden need to make everything perfect seemed illogical now.

All the same I still cleaned the blanket and sheets. It couldn't hurt to have them fresh and clean. Besides I don't have the best aim in the world…

I opened my wardrobe, throwing aside my clothes, until I found the bottle of Bailey's Irish Crème. I stood there holding it, my mind deep in thought. I, of course, had no taste for muggle liquor but Sirius did. This was his favorite. I'd snuck it in days ago, but I couldn't figure out how to give it to him. I wanted to, I really did but then it would be obvious, it would leave my heart open to him. He'd know I actually cared about him. I threw it under the clothes once more and closed the doors quickly. I wasn't ready. I wouldn't allow myself to be hurt again, I couldn't.

I collapsed onto my bed, sighing deeply, trying to think. Unfortunately I was still tired from our little midnight romp last night and I fell asleep minutes later….

There was a knock at the door and I awoke with a start. Oh shit. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. I lay there for a moment, shaking away the unpleasant thoughts of drunken fathers and crying mothers. And believe me, it isn't so hard. It's the same dream every night. Father's drunk at Christmas and Mother's a crumpled heap of tears in the corner. I'm used to it.

Sirius knocked again and I fumbled for my wand. After unlocking the door, I yelled, "Come in." I got up and met him at the door. His lips crashed against mine as soon as he saw me. I kissed back passionately, greatly excited by his eagerness. He nibbled at my lips, caressing my cheek. "You weren't at dinner," he said, pulling away. He licked his lips and I felt the urge to kiss him again. "I missed you," he spoke shyly, his eyes on the ground.

I felt my heart leap. He missed me I wanted to hug him, kiss him, tell him how much I though about him each day. My heart begged to tell him just how much I was in love with him. But as always my defense heightened and my mind refused to let him in.

"You missed me?" I sneered disbelievingly. "I'm so sure. Come now, Sirius." A hurt look crossed his face and my stomach squirmed a little. Why did I have to be such an arsehole? "Sorry, I fell asleep," was all I could manage, I kissed his cheek. It seemed to work; he smiled shyly, chewing on his lip. A chill ran up my spine, it was my biggest weakness. I, Severus Snape, made him a nervous wreck. I'd broken through his usual smug confidence and made him question his worth. It was intoxicating

I put my hands in his unruly black hair, pulling him closer. He rubbed my lip with his thumb as he looked deep into my eyes his bottom lip quivering. I kissed him fiercely, rolling my tongue over his. He tasted exquisite. There was something about the way he melted to my will that I just couldn't deny. It was sublime, better than the sex we shared: it was …..more.

It was the one thing that forced me to believe he loved me. It was in his eyes, in the way he kissed me. He moaned into my mouth as I squeezed his arse and I felt myself throb impatiently. Damn these clothes. I yanked off his tie roughly and tossed it across the room. His hand found my dick and I melted into nothing but desire as he moved his hand up and down slowly. My mouth found his neck and I sucked hungrily as I removed his shirt. I felt him shudder and smiled widely against his skin. That was his favorite spot. After much fumbling, we stood there shirtless, chest to chest, gently caressing each other; both moaning deeply at the faint touch of one another's fingertips. I pressed my dick against his and a whimper escaped my lips; betraying my desire.

Reluctantly, I broke the kiss, and lead him over to my bed. His hand was warm and sweaty in mine making me what him all the more. He let go when we reached the edge of my bed and began kissing my chest. He squeezed my nipple gently, causing me to groan loudly. I felt him smile against my chest and made a note to punish him later.

"Do you like that?" he asked, kisses his way down to my pants. His chest brushed against my cock causing it to jump in anticipation.

In spite of myself, all I could murmur was, "Please." It was almost as if my mind had completely shut down, save for the desire to fell his lips around me. "Please."

He slowly undid my pants, still kissing and sucking on my stomach. He nuzzled his nose in the trail leading from my belly button to beyond, before grabbing me. I groaned as a jolt of pleasure flew through me. I stroked his cheek as his tongue touched me, and he gradually sucked at the tip. Gods, he was such a tease. He opened wider allowing my cock to wander down his hot throat. His mouth was tight and warm, sending jolt after jolt of pleasure through my body. He moved faster and faster, his lips tight around me. Driving me to the edge of control. I felt my release building and I stopped him, grasping his hair gently. I'd come soon if he didn't stop. He stared up at me bright eyed, his lips shining with saliva.

"Not yet." I said in barely a whisper. "On the bed." He got up smirking and laid down face up on my bed. I raised an eyebrow. We'd never done it face to face. I always had him on his knees.

He noticed my hesitation and smiled that shy, uncertain smile of his. "I just want to see your face." He murmured. I rolled my eyes nonchalantly, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach. I cast a quick lubricating charm and pressed into him slowly, relishing the faces he made.

"Oh gods," he murmured in barely a whisper and my lips crashed down on his as I pumped faster. We'd been doing this for months and I still couldn't get over how tight he was. He fit me like a hot, wet glove. He moaned loudly in my ear and I inhaled the familiar scent of his hair. Like vanilla and woodchips. I felt the inevitable tingle in my stomach, a rolling snowball of pleasure. I was about to lose control…

"I love you, Severus," he breathed into my ear. My mind shut down and I lost myself inside him. Love. I looked down at him, as if I were just seeing him for the first time. I knew he meant it. I've practiced enough to know when someone was lying to me and I knew he meant every word. I pulled out of him slowly and we lay there for a moment, trying to catch our breath.

There was silence as I looked over at the boy who had finally broken me. His long black hair was messy with sweat nearly covering his face. I opened my mouth to speak, and then closed it. Then opened it again, but no words came out. After a few moments of awkward silence he tried to get up. He never did stay more than five minutes after he finished.

"No." it was out of my mouth before I realized it. My hand was on his arm, pulling him back down with me. I don't know what got into me. I hated it when he left and for some reason I just couldn't hold it in anymore. "Lay with me," I barely whispered. Still, he heard me and laid back down turning to look at me. And for a while I just stared at him, twirling a finger around his curls. There was a battle going on inside my head. I wanted to say it back. I tried not to, but I did love him. Even when he hated me, I looked forward to seeing him. I just wanted him to look at me. I just couldn't find the words. It was like pulling fucking teeth. Suddenly I remembered his present.

"Wait a minute. I've got something for you." I jumped up, and quickly pulled on some pajama pants. I threw him his boxers and he caught them, a highly surprised look on his face.

"You've got something for me," he repeated, hardly hiding the excitement in his voice. He pulled on his boxers, watching me closely.

"Yeah." I smiled, hurting the muscles in my face. I hadn't smiled in so long. Suddenly I felt quite peppy. As if he'd erased every bad memory. I grabbed the Bailey's out of my wardrobe. "Ta da." I handed it to him and conjured some glasses. I sat on the bed, handing him one. He unwrapped it and I saw his eyes light up.

"Bloody hell. I love this stuff. I can't imagine how you snuck this past Filch. How'd you know I like this?"

"Just a guess." I beamed at his response. He opened it eagerly and poured some into both our glasses He took a sip as I leaned over and kissed his cheek tentatively. "Actually I got that four days ago. I just couldn't bring myself to give it to you."

"Why?" He looked hurt now.

"Because I love you." I said and gulped down the entire glass. "And if I gave that to you, you'd know I did. I just didn't want you to hurt me." I spurted before I lost my courage.

He smiled bringing his hand to touch my cheek. It was warm against my skin and I closed my eyes; his touch was bliss. He looked into my eyes and sighed "Oh Severus, I would never hurt you. I want nothing more that to know you love me back." I could see tears twinkling in his eyes. "I thought you hated me," he whispered.

"I wanted to." I whispered truthfully. He understood what I meant and laid his head on my shoulder. It seemed so crazy, to be in love with the enemy. We just sat there for a moment as he listened to my heartbeat. I yawned, stretching out my arms. "Well I guess you should go to bed." I said, smirking inwardly.

He looked severely disappointed. He got up reluctantly. "Yeah it's late." He got up slowly and picked up his robes. I chuckled deeply. I murmured a spell and his clothes flew from his hands and landed in a folded pile on my chair. He raised an eyebrow.

"Silly boy, those are for tomorrow." I threw him a pair of my Slytherin green pajama pants. "Now, these are for sleeping. Get dressed and get over here."

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**Let me know if you liked it! Also constructive criticizer is greatly appreciated for this and my other stories. Let me know if something doesn't feel real or if I'm not being descriptive enough.**


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